I'm having one of those rare days where I feel like I can just about do it all. And by "all" I mean, make a trip to the grocery store (not in my pajamas!), get Audrey fed and down for a nap, and put together a lasagne for our dinner, and for some neighbors who just had a baby. It's been a long time since I felt like I could juggle so many tasks, and each of them with some small degree of competence. There are other moms out there who can do a lot more, with a lot less, and I envy them. I am simply not one of those women, however much I may wish to be. Today I feel a measurable degree of peace about that, which is a rare pleasure.
Now that I have written that, she will be awake and yelling before I can hit "post."
I think I've also come to grips with the fact that, for her whole life up until now and probably for a while longer, Audrey must nurse herself to sleep in order to take a nap. (Yes, I tested this, and the result was no naps at all for several days running. "Forget it!" quothe I. Back to the tried and true-- I need a break somewhere in the long day). Today-- just for today-- I am glad that I spend a little while each day with Audrey cuddled up with me, drifting off to sleep, mumbling little nothings as she gets drowsier and drowsier. The day is coming when she won't cuddle with me anymore. And I think I am ready to just stop wishing that I had found a way to get her to sleep on her own. I didn't. She put up a strong resistance and fighting it just got me nowhere. So-- okay, uncle, I give up, may as well enjoy it 'cause it's what I have been dealt.
Such feelings of oneness-with-the-universe never last longer than the average flu virus with me, so I thought I'd just write this down for the record. Tomorrow I will resume my fruitless struggle to control the entire world, lasagne and all.
About the photo: my dad turns 70 today. Happy Birthday, Dad. Love you.
3 comments:
I aspired to that "oneness" feeling today as Brady was giving me lots of slobbery kisses which part of me was tempted to fend off after a while...until I thought ahead to when he won't be caught dead even admitting that I'm his mom, let alone showing any affection for me! Maybe that's just my mindset because I live with teenagers as part of my job...
Thanks for the post, Kris. Even as someone who welcomed and made peace with "parenting to sleep" a fair while ago, I still have my moments when I wish I could just say "night! see you later" and be done with it! But as you say, some day the cuddles will be fewer and further between, and for now, I'm content to enjoy them whenever I have the presence of mind to do so!
Hi Kris,
I'm 53 and I still miss nursing my baby/toddler/young preschooler to sleep. As with many parenting experiences, the memories of the frustrating parts fade over time and the happy parts stay with you. I'm glad you're aware of the transitory sweetness of this stage of Audrey's development.
Aunt Margaret
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