Thursday, October 31, 2013

Ain't Necessarily So (Chickpea carries on. And on and on and on.)

A shout out to Jill B. and Richard H. S., two real-live Chickpea readers who continue to stay out of Facebook Nation, and good for you!  I just wanted to assure you that my idle threats to stop blogging were... well, idle. It was all just a bit of bleating for attention.

Which worked, I dare say.

But let's return to our blog roots, since it's a family-oriented holiday today. Here is a photo of the kids, eviscerating a pumpkin.

Happy Halloween, y'all. It's good to have your company out there.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Mommy Blogger Apologizes to Nonexistent Readers For Not Posting More Often

AP Top News at 12:37 EDT...

All good things must come to an end. And also, things that are less good.

That’s the story told by Kris W., a semi-employed mother of two who announced that she may be calling it quits on her blog, ChickpeaCentral, a six-year chronicle of her madcap adventures as a fertile, overeducated, middle-class white lady.

In her press release, Kris says she feels “totally bad” about not posting more often, although it is unclear to whom this concern may be directed. “It’s a new era,” says the once prolific poster on topics as varied as the toileting habits of her two year old, and the toileting habits of that same two year old, six months later. “When you have to drag friends to your blog by updating your status to say you’ve updated your blog, it gets awkward for everyone.”

Friends alerted to the blog’s demise were surprised to hear that it still exists. “She’s all over Facebook,” said one source, briefly glancing up from her phone, “so I just assumed she was done with the baby blog thing. Do people still do those?”

Kris acknowledges that readership is down from her peak month when the site received 700 hits after a post containing the words “spica cast” went mildly viral. But she points out that her husband, her mother and at least one person in Thailand still regularly stop by to see what’s not happening. But despite the gratingly cheerful editorial style and that headachy bubble backdrop, a close friend of Kris W. (who spoke on condition of anonymity) pointed to what appears to be a darker side of Chickpea. “It can be funny sometimes, like, those kids say the gosh-darndest things! But then she’ll get a little shrill and crazy-sounding, especially mid-winter, and I’m like… is she OK?”

Asked for his response to the shuttering of Chickpea, a co-worker of Kris’s husband remarked, “Mommy blogs are like snowflakes. There are a gazillion of them and each one is exactly like all the rest. But at least it never became one of those screechy things where she’s screaming at us in ALL CAPS about stuff like the washing machine breaking down. I mean, news flash! That happens to everyone.”

When asked what projects she envisions next, Kris mentioned a possible foray into the mash-up genre she just invented called “bliction,” in which she will blog about her imaginary family as they travel the world collecting folk art and home schooling one another. The new project, tentatively titled “Happy, Fantastic!” will feature recipes and craft projects not tested by Kris or anyone else.

At press time, Kris’s husband was working at his actual job and could not be reached for comment.