Allow me to explain. Schadenfreude is a German word with no precise English equivalent that means roughly, to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others. That's not exactly what I get out of my occassional visits to the new moms group, but it's sort of close. What I get is a cousin emotion of the more seriously mean schadenfreude. I feel relief hearing other people obsess about all the same things, and yes, sometimes even a little devilish satisfaction when someone else's baby is more fretful than mine, or is a much worse sleeper, or just isn't as attractive. (Biology is behind that last one, which I never fully understood until I had a kid of my own. I look at Audrey and think, "I know that people love babies other than you, but how?! " And I feel the hormones pulse-pulse-pulse in my veins.)
Lest you think me reprehensible, I also felt pretty good when I offered some words of encouragement to a new mom who was having major breastfeeding problems. I don't know if anything I said will actually help her feed her baby, but she gave me a certain look. A look that said, "Your words of comfort mean something to me because I think you know how terrifically hard this is." Is there a word in any language for the feeling you get when you provide someone else an instant of relief like that?
It also makes me feel lucky, and a bit guilty, and very sad sometimes, to hear moms talk about being back at work and missing their babies. I love that I can be at home with Audrey, even though I worry about work and staying skilled enough in something to get a job and where'd-my-career-go-to and all that. It's hard. There are not nearly enough options. Anyone know a good word for this?
Lest you think me reprehensible, I also felt pretty good when I offered some words of encouragement to a new mom who was having major breastfeeding problems. I don't know if anything I said will actually help her feed her baby, but she gave me a certain look. A look that said, "Your words of comfort mean something to me because I think you know how terrifically hard this is." Is there a word in any language for the feeling you get when you provide someone else an instant of relief like that?
It also makes me feel lucky, and a bit guilty, and very sad sometimes, to hear moms talk about being back at work and missing their babies. I love that I can be at home with Audrey, even though I worry about work and staying skilled enough in something to get a job and where'd-my-career-go-to and all that. It's hard. There are not nearly enough options. Anyone know a good word for this?
1 comment:
I LOVE this post. I'm so with you. And what's odd is that not two days ago, I was driving through Harvard Square, and that very word ('schadenfreude') popped into my head. Doesn't pop into my head very often, so it was sort of strange reading something that used it so soon after. It *is* funny how reassuring it can be to hear that others are going through the same or harder experiences, and also how wonderful when someone is in a place you recognize, and you can help them see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Post a Comment